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Take Me Out to the Suburbs
November 13, 2013
The Atlanta Braves’ long nightmare is finally over. The baseball team has announced that it will move out of its downtown stadium, Turner Field, after a whopping . . . 16 years . . . and move to the greener pastures of suburban Cobb County. “That’s a shock,” ...

Big Brother Might Be Watching
November 12, 2013
New “Intellistreets” street lights being installed in Las Vegas will have video screens, because the one thing we definitely don’t have enough of in our day-to-day lives is video screens. But the streetlights won’t just talk. They’ll also have the ...

Would Our Nation’s Not Yet President Lie to You?
November 11, 2013
Chris Christie was just reelected governor of New Jersey, and now he’s out on tour! Of the terrible Sunday morning political talk shows, that is, where his intention is to brag about said reelection. And my goodness, what a suave fellow. He can make you believe anything. I ...

America Hearts Churchill’s Giant Bust
November 06, 2013
Like Elizabeth II, Winston Churchill seems to be a British personage Americans give more of a shit about than actual Britons do. Last week, in the capital—the United States capital, that is—American leaders gathered to fête the dead old Tory with the unveiling of a massive ...

Throwing the Constitution Out With the Bath Water
November 05, 2013
In an essay so deep and worthy that it just showed up up in two helplessly respectable places in the space of a few days, Alex Seitz-Wald sighs a world-weary sigh and tosses the United States Constitution overboard. “Our Constitution isn’t going to make it,” he ...

November Cold SNAP
November 04, 2013
Welcome to November, poor people. For this month, the federal government taketh away. Benefits to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (a.k.a. food stamps) were cut by $5 billion last Friday. It’s the expiration of a boost in food stamp payments signed into law as ...

This Frisk Has Been Brought to You By…
October 31, 2013
East Germany, you guys totally blew it. All those decades in which Checkpoint Charlie stood blank and advertisement-less were a lost opportunity. In America, luckily, we do things differently. Today the airport security checkpoint—that special place where sobbing ...

A Fine-Ass Committee
October 29, 2013
Americans, who says your government isn’t working hard for you? Just look at the House Committee on Financial Services: they are the hardest workin’ folks in Washington. This statement is especially true if by “House Committee on Financial Services,” you actually ...