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A Place to Say “I Don’t”

So . . . plantation weddings are a thing now. Or rather, they have been a thing for years, but they’re back in the news after a wildly shortsighted attempt by folk singer Ani DiFranco to host some kind of inspirational songwriting workshop at a plantation. Perhaps you remember Ani DiFranco from when you were in college? You know, the one whose work you referenced while holding forth self-righteously about feminism and civil rights issues. Turns out, she’s got a bit of a blind spot. As she put it, “when I found out it was to be held at a resort on a former plantation, I thought to myself, ‘whoa’”.

Whoa! You were giving money to the unapologetic owners of a former plantation. Not so righteous. As it turns out, we should apparently be giving her credit for even thinking “whoa.” As Salon observes, most of the white couples who opt for having their weddings at plantations (shockingly) “don’t express any sort of discomfort with the history of plantations.” According to an event planner in Richmond, Virginia, who’s helped plan these beautiful(ly oblivious) events in the past, “What leads her clients to plantations specifically is the desire for an ‘an old house’ on a pretty property, preferably near water.” Yeah, when I think “old house” “near water,” I totally picture a site that epitomizes one of our nation’s ugliest chapters.

Look, I hear you. Weddings are expensive, if you are a rich person who has money to spend on that kind of thing. And the venue! So hard to choose the right one, and then there’s the possibility of a wait list. Once you’ve gotten that rock, you want to get married ASAP. There’s no denying that the houses on former plantations are beautiful homes. When you’re showing off your Pinterest board of delights to your jealous friends, as Salon reports one in three engaged couples will do, you really want to wow them. Make them say “whoa.” Maybe not, “whoa, my friend sure is a privileged idiot”? Just a suggestion.

If you’re feeling just the tiniest bit of white guilt about this whole thing, well, not to worry, some of these former plantations even have “critically acclaimed” exhibits about the slaves who used to live there. But that’s a yucky topic for a wedding. The Belle Meade plantation believes in education, but doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Their “Slave Life” tour helps you learn the name and “occupation” of enslaved workers. OK, we’ll call that an “occupation.” An “occupation” is the work you do when you’re unpaid and not allowed to leave, right? And your family maybe has an “occupation” somewhere super far away? And if you’re a woman, your “occupation” might also involve . . . well, let’s not get into that. That won’t fit your Pinterest board.

While one plantation venue houses a civil rights exhibit in their former slave quarters, at yet another one of these hotspots, the former slave quarters are not accessible to guests. That’s where the staff lives! Nothing like housing your undoubtedly highly compensated workers in the actual housing that slaves used. Nothing weird there, not at all.

Here’s a radical idea: find a different pretty house to host your wedding. The country has been around for a while now. There are probably a lot of pretty houses that don’t have an incredibly disturbing and whitewashed history of racial oppression. Sure, maybe you’re “not looking for a history lesson.” Who wants to think about slavery when it’s your special day? Maybe it’s possible to at least manage not to be actively unthinking in your wedding venue choice, though.

Perhaps you’re thinking, well, what are we supposed to use these places for if not to host events? They’re already there, and they need to pay for upkeep somehow. Wouldn’t just knocking them down run the same risk of concealing the truth of what happened there? Congratulations, you’ve already attempted more critical thinking than any of these hopeful young couples have. A discussion about that sounds pretty worthwhile! Unless you don’t want to think about it? Yeah, better not to think about it.