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Daily Bafflements

Columns

Fresh Hell
July 08, 2022
Pity the Billionaire Sure, the first half of 2022 has been financially tough for the average American, what with gas prices at historic highs, record-breaking rent spikes, ballooning grocery bills, and a floundering stock market that’s wiped out nearly $3 trillion in ...

Fresh Hell
July 01, 2022
Rocket Men On Thursday afternoon, the final day of a “blockbuster term” some hysterical observers are referring to as having the makings of a “judicial coup,” the Supreme Court drastically curtailed the Environmental Protection Agency’s ability to stall or reverse ...

Fresh Hell
June 24, 2022
Recession Obsession As inflation continues its heedless assault on this nation’s hapless paycheck-to-paycheckers, sending the price of gasoline, glass cleaner, eggs, bacon, oranges, airline tickets, and just about everything else to bewildering heights, the Federal Reserve ...

Fresh Hell
June 17, 2022
Got Milk? The children are our future, which is why, in this maniacally self-destructive country, we routinely subject them to mass slaughter; allow millions of them to live in wretched, soul-crushing poverty; poison them with lead; propagandize them to within an inch of ...

Fresh Hell
June 10, 2022
Shock and Awes Last Sunday morning in the Fort Worth, Texas, suburb of Watauga, Pastor Dillon Awes of Stedfast Baptist Church celebrated Pride Month with a rousing sermon on homosexuals, who are, in his Bible-addled view, without exception pedophiles who are so “dangerous ...

Fresh Hell
June 03, 2022
Straight Extinction Once more, Pride month is upon us, drawing the likes of Burger King, Bank of America, and the Pinkertons into a short-lived orgy of superficial solidarity with LGBTQ individuals, who, despite these avowals of support from for-profit entities, are ...

Fresh Hell
May 27, 2022
Soldiers of Tomorrow Mere minutes before an eighteen-year-old armed with a weapon optimized for mass slaughter waltzed into an elementary school and murdered nineteen children and two teachers, Reuters shared a heartwarming story of two Ukranian children—Andrii, age ...

Fresh Hell
May 20, 2022
Regulate This! On Wednesday afternoon, in ruling on Jarkesy v. SEC, a few supple-minded creatives in the U.S. Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals, fatigued by the cumbersome constraints of common law precedent, effectively declared the modern administrative state null and void. ...

Fresh Hell
May 13, 2022
Accountants Hate Me Because of This One Simple Trick! The cost of living isn’t just going up in the United States—an estimated 1.5 million households in the UK will struggle to pay their food and energy bills over the next year and a further 2.2 million individuals may ...

Fresh Hell
May 06, 2022
Back to the Future On Monday evening, a draft opinion indicating the Supreme Court will overturn Roe v. Wade leaked to the press, leading perennially aggrieved conservatives to celebrate the imminent, altogether assured success of a decades-long campaign to strip women of ...

Fresh Hell
April 29, 2022
The Sum of All Fears Brain-addled swimmers of the content stream have no doubt heard by now that Apartheid Clyde née Elon Musk, the richest man on the planet, has struck a deal to acquire Twitter for roughly $44 billion. Assuming that this is not an elaborate prank designed ...

Fresh Hell
April 22, 2022
Strangest Thing Earlier this week, Netflix revealed that, for the first time in a decade, they had failed to attract enough new subscribers to offset those so disenchanted by the rich programming on offer, such as Life After Death with Tyler Henry and Is It Cake?, that ...