Daily Bafflements

• The Panama Papers have come to Hogwarts. Emma Watson, the British actress who played the much-beloved Hermione Granger of Harry Potter, was outed as one of the latest big-name beneficiaries of Mossack Fonseca’s services. Of course, being the “woke” feminist that she is, Watson and her PR team would like the world to know that these offshore accounts only exist for her privacy. According to Watson’s spokesperson:

“‘UK companies are required to publicly publish details of their shareholders and therefore do not give her the necessary anonymity required to protect her personal safety, which has been jeopardised in the past owing to such information being publicly available.’’’

We don’t even need to bother with snark here. The fellow’s words speak for themselves.

• Finally, someone has the answer to the question that’s been on every American voter’s mind. That is, is presumed GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump more or less popular than cockroaches and hemorrhoids? As luck would have it, he’s managed to secure a stable lead over both, but he’s falling behind when it comes to hipsters, traffic jams, and root canals. Thanks, Public Policy Polling! 

• Great news, folks! You don’t need to act happy at work anymore. 

• Eat the rich.