Daily Bafflements

• Today in the slow, painful death of irony: Silicon Valley CEOs have been promising to “fix the world”—or, really, save us peons from ourselves—for a while. But thanks in part to the rapid rise of billionaire real estate mogul and orange-tinted popinjay, Donald Trump, Mark Zuckerberg and his (frankly tiresome) friends announced at the Facebook Developer Conference their intentions to become global leaders. Zuckerberg et al. don’t see any issue with business and politics becoming one and the same—Trump, in their mind, is just doing it wrong. BuzzFeed reports:

If last year’s F8 keynote was about how Facebook planned to eat the internet, this year’s was about how Facebook plans to fix the world. “It takes courage to choose hope over fear,” Zuckerberg told attendees, arguing that Facebook is playing a long game with the aim of changing the world for the better by connecting people. “I hope that we have the courage to see that the path forward is to bring people together, not push them apart,” he said.

In short: don’t worry about Trump! Facebook and friends will Make America Great Again.  

• Craig Mazin, Ted Cruz’s former college roommate, has some harsh words for the Republican presidential candidate on the subject of onanism: “Ted Cruz thinks people don’t have a right to ‘stimulate their genitals.’ I was his college roommate. This would be a new belief of his.” Have fun with that image.

• Arianna Huffington can’t pay her writers, but she does want you to sleep more! Here’s her latest “hot take”: Trump’s idiocy is merely a result of sleep deprivation.