Daily Bafflements

• Contrary to papal PR, Catholic universities don’t do any more to help the poor than any other universities. Never fear, though, budding Catholics! Joining the orders is very in vogue. Who needs an education anyway. 

• Thanks to The Nation for writing up The Baffler’s celebration, sousaphones ‘n’ all, of “the most religious atheist alive”: George Scialabba. Tom Frank charted the rocky journey of one of George’s phrases (pictured left): “The world swipes what we have to say, molds it into some kind of legitimation device having to do with the incredible and really innovative stuff they do on Madison Avenue, and then, for good measure, attributes it to fucking Einstein.” 

• Today in unconscionable excess: water sommeliers claim to exist (thanks, Claud Alexander!), the moral high-ground is worth two Picassos; sweetness, bosoms, and Freudian infantilization, by Starbucks.

• Finally, today in logical conclusions: a band whose song plays itself only when Uber’s surge pricing kicks in. It all ties up nicely.